False Palindromes
by Zara123
Summary: Because what if it was "Blaine" Waldorf and "Charlotte" Bass who hooked up in the back of the limo? How would the lives of our favorite Upper East Siders change? Gossip Girl Casting: A Gender-Flipped Fanfiction...


**Author:** Zara123

**Summary:** Because what if it was "Blaine" Waldorf and "Charlotte" Bass who hooked up in the back of the limo? How would the lives of our favorite Upper East Siders change? (Gossip Girl Casting: A Gender-Flipped Fanfiction)

Based on this picspam: http : / / sweet-heloise . livejournal . com / 8781 . html (the link is also posted in my profile).

**False Palindromes**

**Chapter 1**

_Hey, Upper East Siders. Gossip Girl here and I have the biggest news ever. One of my many sources, Melanie91, sends us this: Spotted at Grand Central, bags in hand – Seth Rhodes. Was it only a year ago our favorite teen heartthrob mysteriously disappeared for quote "boarding school"? And just as suddenly he's back. Don't believe me? See for yourselves. Lucky for us Melanie91 sent proof. Thanks for the photo, Mel!_

Blaine Waldorf set his phone down, his stomach churning with unease. God, he needed to throw up – and badly. Why was he still subscribed to this Gossip Girl shit anyway? He resisted the urge to throw his cell phone against the wall. No, that would be entirely too Neanderthal for a Waldorf. Not to mention his father probably wouldn't like that very much. The man was always breathing down Blaine's neck – insufferable as always.

Elliot Waldorf was downstairs, greeting guests for the dinner party he was throwing. For a brief second, Blaine wondered how his father would react to the news. Elliot had always thought of Seth as the son he never had.

Blaine resisted the urge to sneer at his reflection in the mirror. No, he just had to go down there and act like everything was normal. His ex-best friend _hadn't_ just returned to the city after a brief stint at a god-only-knows-where boarding school.

His suit was pressed to perfection, no strand of hair was out of place – maybe even his father would approve for once.

Yeah, right. Who was he kidding? His father always managed to find something that was wrong with him – be it his grades, his extracurricular activities, or his horrible lack of skill when it came to sports. Oh, and women. Blaine especially hated it when his father lectured him on women.

But that was a different matter altogether. (Blaine didn't think his father knew very much about women, if his marriage was any indication.)

And there was Natalie. He had to find Natalie before she read the Gossip Girl blast herself.

Quickly, he headed downstairs to rejoin the party. He caught a glimpse of his father talking with one of his guests and Isaac and Kaz on the couch chatting up some young socialites. He nearly breathed a sigh of relief when he finally found Natalie with her mother and a group of society women.

"The Captain" was how they usually addressed Natalie's mother – having served as one of the few female commissioned officers in the United States military. The Captain herself was a rather demanding woman, to say the least. And it put a lot of pressure on Natalie, who just happened to be the complete opposite of her mother. Natalie was the type of girl who'd rather go to Tiffany's and stare at the jewelry than spend all day at a shooting range (which was what her mother usually wanted to do).

"Natalie, darling, have you started thinking about college at all?" one of the women asked.

"Well, I've always been a Dartmouth woman," The Captain remarked.

Natalie hesitated, regarding her mother. "Um, yes. Mom has always spoken so highly of Dartmouth. But I've been thinking about some of the colleges out west like Santa Barbara and Pepperdine – something close to the beach, maybe?" She'd always tanned well, after all.

The Captain laughed, shaking her head as if Natalie was a very small child. "Her father would never hear of it. Dartmouth is far enough away from the family as far as he's concerned. The Vanderbilt's are a very prestigious family, as you know. Their roots have always been here in New York."

Natalie faltered, taking a sip from her drink, before smiling up at her mother's friends. "Well, Darmouth _is_ my first choice."

Blaine rushed to his girlfriend's side, excusing himself before leading her away. It wasn't exactly the ideal time for this. Well, it was _never_ the _ideal_ time but having read that Gossip Girl blast – it renewed vigor in Blaine he never thought he'd had before.

"What's going on?" Natalie asked, pressing her hand against Blaine's shoulder to get his attention.

He led her upstairs, careful of anyone with a cell phone who might be watching them. When they got to his bedroom, he pulled her inside – shutting the door behind him.

"Seriously," she laughed. "What is going on? Not that I don't appreciate a break from The Captain but you're acting weird."

"I love you, Natalie," he replied hastily. He grabbed her hands and pressed a tender kiss on each one. "Always have. Always will."

Natalie smiled uneasily, her expression guilt-ridden as she pulled her hands back. "I…I love you too."

"But…?"

Natalie shook her head. "Nothing. We have each other and that's what matters."

He leaned forward, capturing her lips and working quickly to get them to his bed.

Okay. So the truth was Blaine was a virgin – possibly the last virgin at St. Jude's (they were a dying breed). And yeah, maybe it wasn't exactly something to pride himself on. He and Natalie had been in the longest committed relationship out of anyone in their age group. Yet, he was still a virgin. And it's not like he didn't _want_ to do it with her. He wanted to. He really did. I mean, who wouldn't? Natalie was gorgeous, if not the _most_ gorgeous girl on the Upper East Side.

But for some reason…they just never got around to it. Maybe it was his busy schedule that was keeping them from doing it because Natalie wasn't exactly a "guard-my-virtue" kind of girl.

Or maybe it was the fact that, unlike the guys at St. Jude's, Blaine's virginity actually _meant_ something to him.

Yeah, yeah. Maybe it was a total "girl" thing to say but he was an old-fashioned kind of guy. He idolized men like Cary Grant and Humphrey Bogart. Those men were smooth, charming, and, above all, well-dressed. They knew how to walk, how to talk. They taught him how to hold a cigarette, how to order a drink. Blaine liked to think he could _be_ them someday.

But here he was, desperately trying to get rid of his v-card like it was a bad rash – all class and romanticism thrown out the window. They were upstairs during his father's dinner party, Natalie panting for breath while his hand fumbled to unclasp her bra. They were like a couple of hormonal teenagers in a bad comedy. Lord, what would Cary say?

And then suddenly a voice from downstairs was calling for him. The hand that was underneath his girlfriend's blouse immediately became still.

"Blaine!" That was his father's voice. "Come downstairs, it's Seth!"

Natalie was the first to pull back, still breathing unceremoniously hard. "Seth?"

"No…_Blaine_…" He leaned forward but she turned her head just in time.

"Seth is here?"

"It's no one. You're imagining things." The hand that was underneath her blouse came up to cup her bra as he tried to kiss her again.

"No, I heard your dad say his name." She rolled off the bed, gently pushing him off her. The expression on her face was a mixture of anticipation and longing as she stood up, smoothing down her hair and straightening her clothes. "Let's go say hi."

Blaine forced a smile on his face, following his girlfriend out the door as his heart crumbled into a million pieces.

:::

Charlotte Bass cared about three things: money, sex, and Natalie Vanderbilt. Money, she had. Sex, she got plenty of. And Natalie Vanderbilt – well, she just wanted her friend to be happy. And if money and sex couldn't cure her depression, she wondered what would. Not that her friend was getting any sex – not for a while anyway. Nothing about her best friend's relationship with Blaine Waldorf could exactly be called satisfying – not with virgin boy keeping his pants so zipped up that it would literally take a set of pliers to get them off.

Natalie didn't discuss it but Charlotte sort of assumed he was impotent at this point.

Then there was the reappearance of Seth Rhodes. She's gotten the Gossip Girl blast a few hours ago – and apparently so had Blaine. She'd seen the happy couple rush upstairs to Blaine's bedroom. Charlotte couldn't resist the smirk that crossed her face when she'd seen them.

Impotent or not there was always this certain fascination Charlotte held for Blaine. He was so innocent and doe-eyed, beautiful and untouched. But underneath that exterior was the bitchiest, fiercest boy alive. He was different from the other boys at St. Jude's. They were all trying so hard to flaunt their so-called masculinity. But Blaine was actually intelligent, for one. He was a winner, a grand schemer, and he knew how to hold a cigarette.

He was also her best friend's boyfriend, the only St. Jude's boy off-limit to her. Admittedly, the forbidden aspect made him all the more enticing. But there were lines and Charlotte was aware never to cross them.

But Seth Rhodes? He stood in an entirely different category of his own. He was the fucking sun, cleansing sinful Upper East Siders of their wicked ways. It even hurt to look at him. He was just that damn gorgeous and _blonde_. Girls fell head over heels in love with him every chance they got. But Seth's head was so far up in the clouds, he couldn't bother to even look at them. Because the earth revolved around Seth Rhodes.

There was something wrong that level of perfection. It had to be…violated. And maybe Charlotte would be the one to do it.

She and Seth had always gotten along, before he'd left for boarding school that is. Except between the two of them – they'd never gotten past second base. It was a shame, really.

And there Seth was, striding into the Waldorf penthouse in all his glory. Charotte watched with keen interest as Liam Rhodes greeted his son. Most people had the decency of pretending to be wrapped up in their own conversations but Charlotte knew they were far more interested in Seth. And who could blame them? Blue bloods always loved a bit of drama to spice up their boring lives.

"So where is she?" she heard Seth ask his father.

They exchanged hushed whispers, the look on Seth's face turning from worry to aggravation.

And that was when Blaine approached, brown eyes blazing (Charlotte could tell he hadn't gotten laid). Seth's demeanor was softer, but guarded, as they faced each other. The tension in the air was so thick between them. They were seconds away from either throwing a punch or making out. (Personally, Charlotte hoped it was the latter. Their bromance had always wavered on the edge of exotica, according to Charlotte anyway.)

After another tense second ticked by, Blaine reached out unexpectedly. The two bodied collided and they patted each other on the back, awkward as could be.

"Hey, man. It's great to see you," Blaine said. His jaw clenched and he forced a smile on his face. "Come on, we're about to have dinner."

"Uh, yeah. It's good to see you too" Seth looked uneasy, taking a step backward before jutting his thumb toward the door. "But I actually have to be somewhere."

"You're leaving?" Blaine raised his eyebrows.

Charlotte took that moment to look at Blaine – brown hair combed neatly to the side, jaw meticulously smooth, Jay Kos blazer draped over narrow shoulders. Then there was Seth – blonde hair mussed, two day old stubble, and jeans with a Ralph Lauren T-shirt.

She carefully studied the differences, letting her eyes linger up and down their bodies. The drama was a bit lukewarm for her tastes but this was just the beginning. Good thing Seth had come back just when he did. Things had started to become a little...dull.

:::

"Yeah, I just wanted to drop by and say hi." Seth smiled, bidding everyone a curt farewell.

Blaine watched him leave, realizing just then that Natalie had also gone off somewhere. He suppressed a groan of despair, wanting more than ever to bang his head against the wall.

From the corner of his eye he caught Charlotte Bass watching him and it triggered an uneasy shiver down his back. But she didn't walk over to him (for that, at least, he could be grateful). Instead, Isaac and Kaz approached.

"Dude, you didn't tell us he was back," Kaz said, taking a sip from his champagne.

Isaac, the more perceptive of the two, raised an eyebrow. "Or did you not know?"

"Of course I knew," Blaine scoffed at his lackeys. Drink – he needed a drink. But no – he couldn't succumb to alcoholism at his own father's dinner party. He needed to suck it up – be a Waldorf, be a _man_.

Or throw up – he needed to throw up. God, he felt sick.

When Seth disappeared last year, Blaine had managed to establish himself as the reigning prince of the Upper East Side. And when Natalie started acting weird, he blew off steam by torturing freshmen and plotting the downfall of his rivals.

Seth was a game changer.

Blaine had done so well without him. Why did he come back? Why now?

:::

The Ostroff Center was a facility for the disturbed or the addicted. With a serial monogamist for a father and an absentee mother, no wonder he and his sister had become damaged goods. The more he thought about it, the more he realized they _both_ belonged here.

Some brother he was. She had to deal with it on her own for the past year. Meanwhile, he'd run away to boarding school. Feelings of guilt and sorrow washed over him.

He was supposed to be the older brother. He was supposed to protect her, be _there_ for her. Instead, he'd abandoned her. He was selfish and stupid. And he was basically an all-around idiot. His sister had tried to…

She had tried to _kill_ herself because it had become so unbearable for her. The words kept repeating themselves over and over again in his head. _Suicide_. Maybe if he hadn't left New York, if he'd stuck around, then none of this would've happened. His sister would be a happier person. She wouldn't have hurt herself and...he went over the possibilities ten times over.

Self-loathing had always been one of Seth's strong suits.

"Stop staring. You're starting to creep me out." His sister lay in bed, looking at him as if she was scolding a five-year-old.

"Sorry," he chuckled. "I'm just…happy to see you." _Alive and not in some coroner's office._

Erica nodded, suddenly wishing they were talking about something else. Since Seth arrived, he hadn't asked any intruding questions. He asked how she was feeling, if the food was any good, but he didn't go any further than that.

He didn't ask about why she did it. He didn't blame her. He didn't torture her with looks of pity or disappointment. But Seth wasn't like their father. He didn't care to put on a big show and lie like everything was perfect. Seth didn't play by the rules. That was why Erica knew he'd eventually lay everything out on the table. He'd force their father to confront their problems, for their family to accept the truth. Because they weren't perfect. And that scared her more than anything at this point. She wasn't used to being treated like the victim.

"So have you seen Blaine or Natalie yet?" she asked, clearing her throat.

"I may have run into them the other day. Blaine, I mean."

Seth tried not to think about the look on his best friend's face. Seth wasn't an expert at reading Blaine Waldorf but he was better than most people. Blaine was always good at dishing out those Oscar-worthy performances. But this time Seth could see the contempt in Blaine's eyes. His invitation to dinner had been half-hearted at best.

"How'd it go?"

"I don't know." Flashes of a bar stool and a wedding, of popped champagne and silky golden-brown hair ran through his head. "Things change, people change."

"But he's your best friend." _Seth! He licks the champagne off her shoulder. Look at you, you're a mess! She wraps her legs around his waist, glides her fingers up his chest. Well, so are you…_

"Yeah. Yeah, he is."

:::

A/N: This is a little experiment in writing. As you already know, the basis of the story is that everyone's gender has flipped (a male Blair, a female Chuck, etc). I encourage you to check out the picspam to get a better idea of the characters. Also, this chapter was very similar to the Pilot but the story is very much AU. Eventually things are going to veer off into another direction. I hope you guys liked it (and liked it enough to drop off a review y/y?) :) Until next update...


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